


the lovers' gap

by coldphannie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Adventure, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Phandom Big Bang 2017, Pining, Smut, Swearing, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 13:50:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12389367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldphannie/pseuds/coldphannie
Summary: Inspired by Phil’s RPG The Mark of Oxin.Their first quest was supposed to be easy. It’s anything but.Dan’s on the greatest adventure of his life. He’s joined by his best friend, Phil. He learns a lot about serving his kingdom, and what’s more, he learns to fall in love.Phil isn’t his though. Phil is someone else’s.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is one of my PBB fics for 2017. i'd like to thank my beta non-binarypal for their help and support, and my artist hails-the-geek for making the loveliest art!   
> link here: http://coldphannie.tumblr.com/post/166492182446/the-lovers-gap
> 
> some of the warnings for this fic are: physical violence (fighting, some description), torture (non-descriptive but it's in there), and smut (i've put warnings before and after).  
> feel free to message me on tumblr @coldphannie if you have any questions or concerns.
> 
> uhh so i hope you enjoy :)

A guard of the citadel made way for two young adventurers by upholding a sword. It revealed a tall set of double doors.

Dan was the son of village commoners. He dared to step up to the entrance first. Before anything, he stopped, turned to his companion, and shared a determined look.

The handle was heavy in his hand. He swung the doors open to the throne room. He didn’t take any of it in. There were more important matters. He immediately walked forward and kneeled before the King.

“Young men, please spare me your courtesies and stand before me.”

Dan stood and finally set eyes upon his King, who was sat on the royal throne before him. His gaze was unnerving. Dan never had the pleasure of receiving such attention from the King before. He never saw the King aside from public presentations and tournaments.

The King dismissed his immediate subordinates. “What brings you here?”

Dan started, “My King, I have not long since completed my training with the academy, along with my friend and companion Phil, and as of yesterday, I am of age to request orders of duty from your Highness. Now, I come from a laboured family but I assure you, my King, that I have excelled to the top of my class and believe I am most certainly—”

“We would like to embark on a quest, your Highness,” Phil interrupted. “If it is your will.” He shot Dan a look that said –  _ please, let me _ .

The King was unfazed. “Philip Lester. Hmm. Am I correct in that you are of a noble bloodline?”

Phil looked at Dan again, perhaps expecting a small blow of reaction because  _ of course _ the King, of all people, had asked. Phil’s status never went unnoticed (unlike his), but Dan was determined to prove himself.

“That is correct, your Highness.” Phil held his head high, tall, even for the slight fault in his posture that he never quite grew out of.

The King shifted his gaze between the boys. In a mighty voice, he asked, “Do you understand the significance of what you are asking? This will be no meagre task. I expect you to see it through to the end.”

“Yes, your Highness,” and at the same time– “Of course, my King.”

**

The quest called for a few conditions. Dan only absorbed three.

The whole thing was to be kept a secret. Dan would never waste time to boast about his  _ first  _ quest, despite his surprisingly young age to embark on one. After all, he  _ was  _ the ripe age of eighteen. The elders approached people of his class and age with sour distaste. Even Phil, with his respected lineage, was regarded as inexperienced, foolish. They took a risk in addressing the King face-to-face, and he was glad they did.

Their parents would be under the impression they were undertaking special training, they must remain desolate, and any outside intervention was forbidden. There would be no access to messenger ravens. They could not contact them even if they tried.

He recalled a time his father once took Trader’s Path, visiting a family member in the East. It took him up and around, right through passing villages. During that time, his father was fortunate enough to pass through a celebratory festival and explore the vendors, including one with stuffed bears. Dan didn’t remember any details of the trip, only the teddy bear his father brought back for him. He kept it close to his heart.

They wouldn’t be passing any of those villages. The real obstacle was: they couldn’t take Trader’s Path. Technically it would save them time, but also technically they had to pass through the Dark Forest. They had to head straight to the village in the East… via the Dark Forest.

There was a reason why, despite being longer, Trader’s Path was the most common road, but Dan decided not to think about it.

Amongst other things Dan would rather not think about, the King insisted they took another person with them.

“Her name is Esther,” he said. “Philip, I believe your families have strong ties, correct?”

Phil was quick to respond. He did not spare Dan a look that time. “Yes. I have known her since birth.”

His excitement was dampened. He had imagined his first quest, but he had imagined it with his best friend. They were supposed to share the experience along with their many others. He did not imagine another person intervening.

He didn’t entirely lose excitement though, especially when they turned to leave and Phil looked at him through the corner of his eye and whispered, “Tonight? Our spot?”

It was that night, at their spot, when he met the fated Esther. Phil introduced his childhood friend to his best friend. 

The wind was stronger there, where the cliff met the sea. They were stood under a smooth outcrop of rock. The spot was nice because it offered some privacy, hidden from the hubbub of the village.

Phil watched Esther expectantly before she mustered a quiet greeting. 

Her hair was twisted into a neat braid, hands clasped humbly behind her back. She was not very impressive in height but that was easy to say when both Dan and Phil reached over six feet.

He noticed the way Phil stood protectively by her side. “I hear you are an old friend of his?”

She leaned closer to Phil, eyeing his face. “…Yes.” Phil gave her a nod of approval, and her body noticeably relaxed. He seemed to have that kind of effect on people. She then offered a shy smile to Dan. “I have heard a lot about you, Dan.”

“Hey now,” Phil warned, jovially, and Dan felt a bit odd at this new set of interaction and almost wished they weren’t doing it at what was meant to be  _ their _ spot.

Instead, he moved to the topic of their quest, sharing details of their plan and what to pack (as they were due to leave before dawn), and thus, the ill feeling went away.

All throughout his life, Dan never experienced anything out of his comfort zone. His desires had been contained to his mind – to question, to follow his gut instinct, to explore outside his home village and their views. He was itching at the chance for adventure, and after the extent of his training, Dan felt he was finally ready.

Something new. Something where he could be, or find, himself.

Dan spoke with far more projection than the time of night should allow and Phil began his usual signs of fatigue (strange blinking – his eyes always grow weary near the end of the day). At some point, he decided it was enough and they parted to return home. Dan could hardly keep the kick out of his step.

**

The Dark Forest was not as the name suggested, Dan thought, as he literally had to shield his eyes from the morning light that filtered through the trees. He tried to be cautious of the vines at his feet (Phil nearly tripped over twice). Against a number of reasons, the apprehensive part of his brain told him to expect the forest to be associated with dark magic.

In actuality, the forest budded with life and greenery. It felt untouched, and that him trekking through it was a disturbance.

There was a reason people travelled the Trader’s Path. He had heard stories of exiled villagers (not solely from his own village) who fled to the Dark Forest. Whether it be dark magic, or simply the loss of civilisation, they would somehow turn into savages, losing any sense of morality.

Savages were not strangers to violence or theft, and they usually wanted vengeance against people from a more… structured society. They were dangerous, but it was nothing Dan nor Phil hadn’t trained for.

Dan wasn’t sure of Esther’s abilities. He wasn’t, say,  _ doubting _ the King’s authority, but maybe if the King understood the extent of Dan’s (and Phil’s) power, things would be different. He was certainly not questioning the outcome because Esther was a pain, because she wasn’t.

He just hadn’t shared much of a private word with Phil all morning, far from what he had expected (especially with Dan’s capability to ramble). Phil insisted on taking the lead, and Esther took off right behind him, looking not a hair out of place.

She turned to address Dan and he replaced the grim look on his face. “Do you remember the ancient tale about these woods, Dan?”

“Hmm. Which one?”

“About the two lovers,” she said, returning her gaze to Phil, and that was when Dan tuned out.

He stuck what he knew best, which at that point, was dodging vines and low-hanging branches. He didn’t want to notice how comfortable Phil looked speaking to Esther in the way he was comfortable speaking to Dan.

He knew of this tale, of course. It was a time before the villages of the realm met peace. These two individuals, lovers they be, were torn apart by a dispute over their lands and separated, forbidden to meet.

It was strange to think a fickle thing like love made people do such impractical things, like traversing these woods. That was until they were found, and separated a second time by a more impregnable structure. A gate, or a wall, was built by magical forces and the hatred of their nations. They could never touch nor embrace ever again.

Somehow, fed up with their circumstances, the two found the narrowest point of the wall, and within the smallest gap allowed, shared a kiss – shared a love so strong to free them from restraint, and only then were they able to pass the gates with ease.

It was sweet, but it was only a story.

Dan met his first challenge early into the quest. Having tuned out of the conversation, he easily picked out an extra set of footsteps. “Someone’s here.”

Phil and Esther turned around to spot a group of intruders. About four, maybe. Not very menacing as one managed to trip upon arrival.

Dan leaped at the one closest. His sword overpowered their knife. Unarmed, Dan grabbed their arm to pull them into a lock on the ground.

He peered up to find Phil in the very same position, having defeated another enemy. The final opponent was about a metre away. Clearly at a loss, he ran away.

The matter was dealt with in under the space of five minutes, which almost felt anticlimactic. They looked at each other, unsure what to do. Really, they could only keep moving.

**

It would take them two days to venture the western side of the forest before hitting the highlands – a mountainous area amidst the Dark Forest.

Phil’s pace calmed down after they walked a distance far away from the scene. He tried for a lighter conversation, “You think they’d be happy to know our villages are no longer in strife?”

“Who?” Esther asked.

“The lovers. From the tale.”

“I think so,” she said. “They could finally be together.”

“They were together,” Dan corrected, “In the end.”

Esther took a moment to collect her thoughts. “I mean they could be out to their families, to their friends. I think they’d be happy in a more accepting time.”

Dan, in the freedom of the wilderness they were in, let himself share his thoughts. “Maybe they don’t want to be out? Maybe they want to make out in the privacy of this beautiful forest. They had it all to themselves, you know?” He had never been one to vocally dispute another’s ideas, but he found it sort of satisfying.

She stayed quiet.

Phil, diplomatic as he was, broke the tension. “Say, Dan, have you kissed anyone?”

Dan met his eyes, entirely unpleased and unprepared for that kind of question, and entirely unwilling to answer. He scoured his mind for an excuse, an escape. He looked away.

“Have you?” Phil fell back in line with Dan to nudge his shoulder. “Was she putrid or what? Nothing to be ashamed about.”

Dan refused to look at him.

“Oh!” A knowing smile grew on Phil’s face. “You’re like that cause you haven’t kissed anyone at all!”

Dan shrugged the straps of his backpack higher on his shoulders, determinately speeding up. “Shut up!”

Phil caught up, easy. “You really haven’t. That’s so funny.”

“It isn’t,” Dan muttered, “I can do it whenever.”

“He’s right, Phil, there’s no harm in waiting,” Esther piped in. Dan’s face was burning. He didn’t want her input, her pity.

Phil cocked a smirk, one Dan couldn’t find himself to look at when it was directed at her. “You’re one to talk!”

Dan wasn’t stomping. He was trying to get a proper grip on the ground, was all.

“Oh!” The boys slowed down when Esther found herself stopped, saying, “There’s something I’d like to check out.”

“What is it?” Phil asked.

“It’s this – type of tree and it’s material is very good in craftworks.” She talked like she was well versed with the subject, growing a shy smile. “Could I please?” She gestured her hand in some direction.

“Sure.” Phil seemed to understand her intentions. “We’ll wait here.”

There was a few boulders in the immediate area and Dan confidently situated himself on one.

Phil got the memo soon enough and joined him, pulling out a waterskin from his pack and refreshing his thirst.

Dan, under no restriction to keep an astute, collected pretence (as always in the academy), waited a couple minutes before asking, “Well… What’s it like?”

Phil took his sweet time with another gulp of water. “What? Kissing?”

“Yeah. I presume you have,” Dan said with feign spite. He realised he was treading carefully on the subject. They didn’t talk about these kinds of things. Sure, they taunted and shoved like friends did, but they never had the space to discuss  _ that _ . There were no girls at the academy, where they had attended for years. He knew Phil well, and yet, there was a lot they didn’t talk about.

“I have indeed,” Phil mused, like he didn’t notice the amount of effort it was taking Dan to not close off with embarrassment, and then adopted a grin. “What, you interested?”

He spluttered, “No – shut up! Forget about it!”

“I’m just pulling your leg.” Phil softened, considered Dan for a moment, then explained, “It’s – well. It was a bit weird at first. It’s got to be weird when you’ve literally got someone else’s fleshy lips on yours.”

“Gross,” he rasped.

Phil laughed, waved him off, and then continued, “But after a bit, it like… smooths out. Like velvet. Like running velvet together.” He casted his eyes away. “Feels nice, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I guess, yep.” Phil looked at Dan, then away, and then at Dan again. “He didn’t talk to me after that.”

Dan’s throat was caught. Phil was talking about a guy. He didn’t know what to say.

Phil shifted his eyes away. “So maybe it wasn’t any good, I dunno.”

He played it off like a joke, otherwise lost for words. “Who are they and how do you propose I beat them up?”

Phil snorted. He then asked seriously, “You—you, err, don’t mind?”

Dan pretended to have misunderstood and said, “I can beat anyone in a fight. You should know that.”

Before Phil had the chance to respond (and say anything else mind-numbing), Esther returned. Dan felt relieved by her presence for once. They headed off.

 

That conversation had left Dan out of sorts. His brain, befuddled. He couldn’t get past the idea that his best friend had kissed a boy. He couldn’t get over how easily he said it, too. Like it was nothing.

It never occurred to him that boys could kiss other boys. He started to feel odd at the thought. He didn’t like how it made him feel like he couldn’t stand to look at Phil, which shouldn’t have been the case. 

He ignored it the best he could.

**

In hindsight, Dan could have been a lot smarter about things.

He should have kept guard after the encounter with the savages. He knew it wasn’t unlike them to come back for revenge, come back in larger numbers. He should have known to keep guard in their weakest moment – at night.

 

Dan awoke to a violent scream. His eyes weren’t adjusted to the dark but even so, he recognised Esther’s voice piercing into the forest.

He pulled himself up and into a defensive stance. He could hear his breath heavy in his ear. The moonlight revealed Phil, rushing towards the girl and getting struck before he could even reach her.

Inevitably in the dark, his senses were lowered. He managed to sense them coming, though. He ducked under the whoosh of a punch, swept a leg behind their knee, and directed an elbow to their face. He was grabbed by the scruff of the neck and thrown, colliding with something, someone, so he quickly headbutted into them. 

It earned him an instant to assess the scene and unsheathe his sword. It was hard to tell, really, but for a fleeting moment he established that there were too many enemies. It wouldn’t stop him from trying.

Someone ran towards him with too much momentum. He jumped back at the last minute and swung his sword. He smelt their blood in the air. 

He got nicked in the arm, so he chased after them with a technique he had perfected in the academy. 

He wasn’t stupid. He could sense himself tiring out, and they would soon be in trouble. He had to do his best, though. He had to give it his everything. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Phil break out of the assaulter’s hold.

Someone clipped Dan in the jaw, had him bite his own tongue, taste it. He managed to block the next hit, gasping.

Suddenly, he heard a shrieking voice.

He turned around to see Phil. Phil wasn’t the one screaming. Dan could barely keep his eyes on Phil, who moved at an incredible speed, knocking out savage by savage. He took them down before they even had time to react. 

By the time Dan had caught his breath, it was already over.

What the fuck, he thought. He blinked, once, twice, and watched Phil slow down to a stop right before Esther. “What the fuck,” he said aloud.

Phil’s hands were large on Esther’s shoulders, looking at Dan pleadingly. She was on the ground, a cloth shoved in her mouth, eyes shut. Dan might have thought she was unconscious if not for the way her body shook.

Dan observed the scene around them and all the bodies on the ground (more than half of which a result of Phil), his own body numb. The only thing he felt was the unsettling cauldron in his stomach.

Phil crouched over Esther, voice low in her ear with words Dan couldn’t distinguish, paying no heed to the massacre of bodies surrounding them.

Dan could tell that Phil was busy comforting the girl, but they had to leave the scene. It was too dangerous. He gained the sense back in his legs before approaching them. Phil removed the gag from her mouth.

She let out a breathy sob.

Phil immediately turned to Dan, eyes wide and hurt. It took him several attempts to collect words. “Essie,” he said softly, wavering under his usual voice. He swallowed, went to squeeze her shoulder. “Can—can you hear me? We’re okay. You’re okay. They’re gone, they can’t hurt you. It’s me. It’s me, Phil.”

Dan watched the two, disquieted. He felt like he didn’t belong here. “We need to go,” he managed to say.

Phil’s face scrunched up in the way that Dan always hated.

“We need to move.” He checked the mass of bodies again. “We’ve gotta go. I can help lift her, if you want, but we, ah, need to move.”

It took a while for Phil to drag his eyes away from her. “Yeah – sure.”

They picked her up by the armpits and carried her on either side. Their stuff was packed messily and onto their backs. Dan checked behind them every few minutes to ensure they were not followed. He spotted an alcove he didn’t notice the first time, suitably hidden enough for them to stop and recover.

Dan studied Phil, a dozen questions in mind, but Phil occupied himself the very moment they were in safety. Phil checked for injuries (none, thankfully) and laid a blanket over the girl. She was asleep. For as long as it took for her to wake up, Phil spent watching over her.

Dan hadn’t seen that side of Phil before. He supposed it was a look reserved for girls (or other people Dan would not specify). He wouldn’t know, Esther might. He hadn’t heard of her before this whole adventure started, but it seemed they were longtime childhood friends. His and Phil’s friendship was small in comparison.

Dan witnessed how gently Phil looked and cared after her, and felt as though his very position – as best friend – was threatened. He knew it was insecure of him. He tried to rationalise. After all, his connection to Phil was very different.

Esther was a girl. She was in a different league of relationships to what he could share with Phil. Dan supposed they might have been arranged to marry. It wasn’t unusual for families such as theirs.

He was caught in a spiral of thoughts, wondering if that was the reason the King hitched Esther on their quest. Why else had she joined them? It wasn’t the most plausible of motives, but Dan couldn’t help but theorise. Maybe the journey would present the event in which they might bond, like, as an item. The thought settled poorly within him.

It meant that Dan – Dan was just another chess piece.

He was the son of commoners. He wasn’t born to be plagued with birthrights and arranged marriages. He had planned to make use of his life by offering his sword and skills to the realm. Otherwise, he would have been nothing.

He might’ve been an insignificant, low-born soldier in the midst of aristocratic matters. He might’ve been overthinking.

Above all, he wanted to talk to his best friend. He wanted to ask Phil about the fight and what he saw. If it weren’t for Phil – Dan would have tired out, dooming them all.

Phil didn’t look at him.

Dan had expected a lot more from his first quest. He expected a journey, filled with new and exciting things, and his best friend. He felt cheated. He watched Phil and Esther like he was an insignificant piece of this puzzle.

**

They started a night watch routine. He would lose a couple hours sleep each night, but otherwise, he felt he might not have been able to sleep at all. He was definitely on edge after such events.

Conversation over the past day had been stilted. Dan was uncharacteristically quiet.

He was thankful Phil didn’t point out his abnormality – that was, if Phil even noticed. On the odd chance that he did, he would have known Dan to be put under these occasional spells whenever there was a lot on his mind.

Besides, they had made good ground, which was the best they could do for now.

In the meantime, Esther (who was a bit spooked by the savage invasion, but eventually felt okay after a rest) plucked up the courage to explain something she had been working on. A trap, or tripwire, of some sorts. She had prepared it with woven string and wood fletched from the material of a wildebark tree (the type she sought the other day).

She was clearly enthusiastic about her contraption – even Dan admitted it was impressive (mutely). He didn’t understand all the intricate functions, but understood it would aid their night watch, and that was enough.

Dan fixed up breakfast on the third morning of their quest. It was time for everyone to wake up. He took the last shift of the night, and spent most of it thinking of ways to be of use, ways to react to adversity. They couldn’t afford to make any more mistakes.

They went off, and before not long, the forest cleared out, transitioning into highland. Dan checked off their progress on his mental list. They were a good way through the Dark Forest. He wasn’t sure where they were located on his map exactly – again, the path they used was rarely taken – but he was satisfied to physically see the progress they had made.

Dan spotted markings on the first outcrop of mountain. It was a fairly ominous sign, strewn jaggedly into the rock.

‘TURN AROUND OR FACE DEATH’

He inhaled sharply, faced with the enormity of their quest. Even so, there was not a fibre in his body that would turn back. Not after the trouble they had met so far. The King asked them to complete the quest and he would be damned if he let some message stop him.

Phil and Esther were more hesitant, sharing a look, but Dan marched forward.

“Didn’t you read the sign?”

They all froze, hands hovering over their weapons. That voice was not any of them. Someone slipped out from behind a boulder.

“This is no place for you lot. Look at you with your fancy garments. You best be leaving if you want to keep a head on ‘em,” the man said. His eyes were dull but his lips were lively, stretching into an uncomfortable grin, ear to ear. 

Dan wanted to swipe it off. He glared at the stranger, the savage. He’d had a long morning, which was usually enough to put him on edge. He studied the man for any weapons, weaknesses, while he settled into a defensive pose. Somehow, the man looked familiar, but his memory failed him. Dan told him, “No. If you would let us through, we might spare you.”

“Let you through?” The man had the audacity to laugh. It was kind of menacing. “You wouldn’t last.”

Dan felt himself itching to move. They had come this far. He wasn’t about to be ridiculed by some savage.

“Who are you?” asked Phil.

Dan shot Phil a glance, who was already looking back and communicating with his eyes (it was how they worked). That man was no ordinary savage. He was familiar to the both of them.

“You must be from my old village, then,” the man noted, simultaneously confirming their thoughts. His expression was difficult to read. “Very well. The name’s Yohri, and I’ll be honest with you… If you keep going along this path – you will die. Rotting bodies are none too pleasant.”

Dan didn’t like this. He didn’t like this man, didn’t like what he was suggesting. He vaguely recognised him, or his family, or whatever, and it only made him all the more suspicious. “And how would you know?”

Yohri took a step closer to Dan, calmly, hands behind his back. “You will get lost,” he said with wicked certitude. “There are thousands of tunnels in these mountains and the only people who can navigate it are myself and my uncle.”

Dan felt himself welling up with anger, and it seemed like it was only feeding into the flames. He could tell when he was being underestimated. He had felt it his entire life. But he would find a way – they’d summit the mountain if they had to. He just couldn’t tell what this guy’s intentions were.

“Then guide us through,” said Phil.

Dan turned. His jaw dropped, he blurted, “What?”

Where was the discussion? The agreement? Since when did they ask  _ savages _ for help?

“Please… We’ll be indebted to you. We need to get through.”

Yohri studied the three of them, stroked his chin, and landed finally on Dan. “Well if you put it that way.”

“Phil!” Dan chastised, “You can’t just – No!” He turned to the savage, gritting his teeth. “You’re insane. He’s insane. We’re not doing this, fuck.” Phil’s hand went on Dan’s shoulder but he shrugged it right off.

“Looks like I’m your only hope,” the man deviled, then looked at Phil. “You’re lucky I find this amusing. I might even decide to help you.” He smiled at Dan for a moment. Dan, who was seething, fists clenched. “Let’s go, shall we?”

Dan wanted to protest. He opened his mouth to do so, but Phil put a hand on his shoulder  _ again _ and gave him a look. The kind of look that Dan couldn’t deny, to trust him. Dan’s nails dug into his palm but he sucked it up. He would have a word with Phil later.

**

“Phil Lester, you have got some explaining to do,” he demanded.

The boy in question eased back to walk in line with Dan. “Um, right here? Now?”

“Yes!” Dan shouted under his breath. They were a bit behind the group. Yohri took the lead, torch illuminating the small space of tunnel, trailing a hand along the walls. “What the fuck was that back there?”

“Dan,” Phil started. “I can tell you’re angry with this outcome.”

“Of course, I’m fucking angry.” He paused to check if he was too loud, if anyone heard their conversation. They seemed placid. “But it’s fine. Whatever. Explain.”

Phil waved his palm in the air, gesticulating. “We need to get through as fast as possible. And he knows the way.”

Dan pursed his lips before whisper-blurting, “Have you forgotten he’s a fucking savage?”

“That’s the thing…” Phil faced him, shifting his eyes over Dan’s features. “I remember him, sort of. Before he was exiled.”

“Right…” Dan narrowed his eyes.

“And well… he wasn’t such a bad guy.”

Dan blanched. “How can you trust him?”

“I don’t,” Phil said, certainly, and Dan was relieved there was still some sense in him. “I trust you and Esther. And our ability to complete this quest.”

It seemed to satiate Dan for now, so they left it at that. They continued to follow the savage through the tunnels.

Occasionally, Dan would hear something. Something unsettling.

A rumble in the distance.

Yohri was either unfazed, or didn’t notice. Dan didn’t know whether to be concerned. After all, the man was supposedly an expert on the tunnels. He would ask, but he couldn’t bring himself to liaise with a  _ savage _ of all people – that would be like admitting defeat.

The trembling got much, much louder – to the point where it rang in his ears. A cloud of dust emerged from the ceiling. “What  _ was _ that?”

“Quakes,” Yohri said. “Stay very still.”

Esther leaned into Phil. “It’s coming closer.”

Dan was conscious of it happening. He saw the crack in the ground, saw it running towards him like a lightning bolt. He breathed a short sigh of relief when it near missed him – that was until he realised the ground was falling beneath him. He fell under the weightlessness of the earth.

**

Darkness. Everything he felt was numb except for the periodic throbbing inside of his head. His brain felt as though it was filled with cotton wool, chafing against every thought. He couldn’t feel much of his body, but he could feel that it was very heavy – his eyelids especially. It didn’t help that he desperately wanted to know where he was and what was going on. He peeled his eyes open, fighting the feeling of drowsiness.

There was a small flicker of light that illuminated a select circle of the tunnel. Dan caught a glimpse of black hair. “Phil…”

Phil jolted. He faced Dan, looking frankly quite terrible. His face was marked with lines of distress, which didn’t suit him at all. “You’re awake,” he awed.

Dan felt useless knowing that Phil was like that because of him. It added to the dead weight of his body.

“Thank god, Dan, you’re awake.” He seemed to realise himself and rushed to Dan’s side. “Are you hurt? Do you need anything? Just – tell me, please.”

Dan noticed that he was gradually gaining more feeling in his body. While most of that feeling was pain, he was glad to know that he would eventually be able to move again. The joints in his knees ached, presumably having absorbed all the shock from the fall. “M’fine, just a little sore.”

Phil looked shaken up. He scanned his eyes over Dan in a way that was slow and calculating, running over every inch of his body. If Dan could have mustered the strength, he might have squirmed under such a gaze.

How long had it been since he had Phil’s undivided attention? Surely, not since they embarked on this very quest. Speaking of, they probably ought to be doing something. 

“Where is everyone?”

Phil looked away. “I’m sure they’re fine,” he said, “but, uh – we should get going. Do you think you could stand?”

Dan flexed his arms for a moment before planting them by his side. They were a little shaky, but were enough to sit himself up. “I think, yeah?” He tried to stand up but realised his knees were weaker than he thought.

Phil grabbed ahold of him, keeping him upright. “I’ve got you,” he said to Dan, close to his ear.

Dan’s ear tingled from the breath of Phil’s words, which spurred some thoughts and feelings he didn’t quite understand. The amount of space between them felt dangerous, and what’s more, it gave him an odd feeling in his stomach.

However, he was too spent to argue, his body more than thankful for Phil’s support.

Phil told him that they couldn’t return the way they came, waving his torch about to reveal a backlog of rubble. It was tremendously steep. His bones ached at the thought of climbing up it. Which left them with one direction, which was fine, and they began the slow process of walking.

It was in this moment that Dan noticed a pregnable difference. He was so caught up on Esther (and whether or not he should find her irritating) that now she was gone, things were different. Maybe it was his proximity to Phil, but he couldn’t help but feel vulnerable. The situation was completely unexpected and he didn’t know how to deal with this sudden freefall of emotion.

After all it was worth, he didn’t hate Esther. He didn’t hate her for potentially stealing away his best friend, or changing what he had expected from his first quest. She had done nothing wrong, and he  _ knew _ that. There was just a lot going on. 

The silence was staggering.

At some point, Dan knew he had mustered enough strength to support himself. He looked to Phil and asked, “Are you sure everyone is okay? The last thing I remember is the earthquake. I-I fell down first, right? I couldn’t see where anyone’d ended up.”

 

“It was just you,” Phil admitted. He gulped (Dan could hear it, he was so close). “The earthquake, it – I mean, you were standing where the ground was weak, so.”

Dan thought of Phil’s arm, still around him, even though he knew he could support himself by now. He felt afraid to ask, not sure why. “Just me? Then, why are you…” Dan had tapered off at Phil’s undecipherable expression. It felt like, for some reason, they were reaching dangerous waters.

“You’re my best friend,” he said, looking pensively straight ahead. “I’d never forgive myself if I never – if I let anything happen to you.”

Dan didn’t know what to say to that. He marveled at how unintelligible he was as of late.

 

Dan used to accept change with open arms, back when he lived and breathed the academy. He was the top of the class. He wasn’t the strongest, nor the fastest. He topped the class for his adaptability. He would chew up most situations and spit them out with ease. But for once, Dan was stumped.

He was stupid not to think of it earlier. He had to be more confident in his and Phil’s friendship, and not let other people come between that. They had a bond, and it didn’t mean anything more or less because it wasn’t romantic. He had to accept that he was just as important in Phil’s life as Phil was in his.

When it came to Dan and Phil, status never mattered. Noble or not, people were people. They didn’t care about the hierarchy system, all they cared about was becoming soldiers. They wanted to protect, wanted to serve, and most of all, they wanted to see the world.

He remembered everything, the talk of endless quests, talk of travel. Did it still apply to Phil the way it did to him?

“What do you think you’ll do after all of this was over?” Dan found himself asking. 

“I think I might like a dog,” Phil answered. “Though I can’t imagine looking after it very well.”

Dan laughed. “Gosh, Phil. Animal abuser much.”

“No! Not on purpose, of course.” Phil shook his head, smiling. “I just don’t figure I’d be home much to look after it.”

“Oh,” Dan said. Did Phil mean what he wanted him to mean? He wouldn’t be home because he’d be out on quests? With Dan? He gulped down his elation. “I think I deserve a good bath.”

“Yeah – you need one too.” Phil stuck his tongue out, enough to earn him a shove.

**

They walked until they reached the end of the tunnel. A dead end.

It wasn’t entirely blocked. Light filtered through a tiny focal point in the wall, connected to the outside. It was about the size of an eye. 

They were lost on what to do.

Dan had known the risks. The sign was there for a reason. These tunnels were easy to get lost in. They should have never separated from Esther and the savage. Still, he wasn’t ready to fail so soon. He wasn’t ready to feel so helpless about it.

Dan tried to pry open the hole. He managed two fingers in the gap, and gasped. He could feel the breeze, the cool air of the outside. And yet, the stone wouldn’t budge. It upset him to be so close yet so far.

He stretched out his fingers. Maybe they could fit. Maybe it would expand. 

The rock was completely solidified. It didn’t leave a dust on his fingers. It was almost like a magical fortress. Nerves crawled up his spine at what that might suggest.

The wall. The gap. An impasse.

Phil said quietly, “I think I have an idea.” Dan wished he didn’t, wished he hadn’t seen this coming himself.  “You’re not gonna like it.”

Dan blanched, felt something heavy clawing up his throat. He forced out, “This isn’t even how the story works. They’re supposed to be on opposite sides.”

“Sorry! I’m aware of that!” Phil sounded conflicted, running his hands through his hair, and said, “There’s nothing I can do! What else  _ can _ we do?”

“I don’t know,” Dan admitted, defeated. A million things ran through his mind and he couldn’t settle on a single thing. Or rather, he didn’t want to settle with a thought. He had to kiss Phil. They were at a dead end, at the lover’s gap, and he had to kiss Phil.

“Look, I’m sorry Dan, I know the last thing–”

“Just,” Dan interrupted, refusing to look at Phil. He took a deep breath and mumbled, “Just get it over with.”

Phil put a hand on Dan’s shoulder, gave it a gentle squeeze. “You sure, Dan? We don’t – we don’t have to.”

Dan shut his eyes and turned to where he thought Phil was, nodding curtly.

They had to do it. He knew they had no other choice. If it didn’t work, he could at least die of embarrassment before he died of hunger. 

Phil took his damn time, and Dan refused to open his eyes to check why. He didn’t want to see what Phil was thinking. He fastened his eyes even tighter. He didn’t want to see Phil’s face before they kissed, didn’t want to think about why Phil dived after him in the earthquake, didn’t want to think about Esther and how she should have been the one in this position.

He felt a soft pressure on his lips. It went away as soon as it appeared.

“Dan. It’s opening.”

He ignored the quantity of thoughts on his mind and opened his eyes. Light filtered through the tunnel. The dead end was now an exit. The gap had crumbled, folding in on itself in a way that Dan could only describe as magic. 

They were free. They weren’t going to die stuck in a mountain. 

It should have been great. Dan should have been glad.

It’s just that – he couldn’t get his mind past kissing Phil. 

(He kissed a boy. He had kissed his best friend.)


	2. Chapter 2

Stunned by what just happened, the two boys stood in timid silence.

Phil gulped audibly. "We need to find the others."

Dan just managed to nod before Phil started his gait, easily leaving Dan behind to figure himself out.

His legs felt like jelly, and took a good moment to function. His entire body felt strangely restless, cram packed with idle energy. He couldn’t control any of it.

Phil, a good distance away, shouted, "Esther!" 

It shifted Dan from his thoughts slightly. 

Not enough to pull him out of this slump. If it were any other day, Dan would be careful. He would make sure they wouldn’t cause unnecessary commotion, as to not draw attention from any savages. On any other day, if Phil shouted out in the middle of the forest, Dan would immediately jump on his heels. He would smack Phil over the head, or over his mouth, or something. Not this Dan. This Dan was still in disbelief of what just happened.

And so Phil made a ruckus. Dan walked at an odd distance beside him. They went at a sluggish pace until they heard a responding call.

"Phil! Phil, are you there?" shouted back a voice much like Esther's.

Before they knew it, they had sped up to a run.

Dan's mind jacked up to overdrive. Esther. They had left Esther alone. For who knows how long. With someone they didn't know. With a savage. He began cursing under his breath.

 

The night they were attacked, Phil took it upon himself to stress out. It was a bit hard to tell, but Dan  _ knew _ . And despite everything, Dan could admit Phil sort of felt responsible for whatever happened to her.

He could admit his faults now. He knew he hadn't been the friendliest, but the thought of what a savage might do to her braced him with fury. Made him want to wretch. He mightn't like the distance she brought to his friendship with Phil. However, as an aspiring soldier, he swore to protect his people.

 

They followed the voice away from the mountainous area and into the edge of the forest. Dan and Phil quickly weaved through trees and jumped over vines, to find their camp and ultimately, find them. Esther thankfully looked in good shape. Yohri was sitting by a fire.

She leaped up, meeting them with a hug. "I'm so glad you're alright."

Phil almost bumped into her, dumbfounded by the change to her appearance. She looked a bit more of a mess than they remembered, and her braid was completely gone. "Esther! Your hair – what happened?"

She opened her mouth to respond but gave them a run down with her eyes, noting their state of exhaustion. She instead offered, "How about you take a seat?” 

Phil, despite the troubled face, sat down obediently.

Dan remained stood, cautious of Yohri in particular, who so far was quiet. Esther was behaving differently, too, with more confidence than he remembered. He asked her, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Her voice welled up. "Yeah, I just – had no idea where you guys were, I didn't know if you'd make it out. Yohri told me you’d never make it out." She spared him a look. "After we made it out, it finally hit me you guys weren't there. But, I couldn't just leave you behind." She picked at her fingers. "We've been waiting for a while."

"We're out now," Phil assured, "Please, don't worry."

Yohri interrupted with a curt, "How?" His eyes were narrowed. "I don't get it."

Dan's stomach churned at the thought of the  _ how _ . "We found a way out, is all."

Yohri stared at him with conviction. It caused a fear within Dan that he couldn’t explain – triggered by the thought that Yohri might  _ know _ . "It's impossible."

"Well, obviously not," Dan hurriedly said. He diverted his attention to Esther, sat next to her and asked, "What happened while we were gone? Did he do anything to you?"

"No." She shook her head, telling him quietly, "No, he didn't hurt me." Then she spoke up to everyone, "We came across some, er, savages. In the tunnels. They came after me but Yohri fought for me. He helped. He's not such a bad guy."

Dan might find it hard to believe, but the proof was right there in that she was okay.

Phil broke out of his daze. He sincerely told Yohri, “Thank you. What are your plans? After this.”

The man stroked his chin, blank-faced, studying the gang. “Hmm. I figured I might do a bit of sightseeing.”

Dan knew exactly what he was suggesting and leaped up. “No! You’re not.”

“Why not?” Esther asked.

“I am,” he said definitively. He looked Dan right in the eyes, like he sought a reaction out of him. A warning. He broke away, reasoning with a lilt in his voice, “I don’t fancy going back to those caves right now is all. Not while the bastards are still there.”

Dan scrunched up his face. “How do you know they’ll even leave?”

“They will.” He gave no room for explanation, instead he smirked. “Anyway, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m in the mood for adventure.”

Dan hated how Yohri took this like a joke. Like their journey wasn’t as serious as it should have been. He fumed, “That’s – no. We’re on a quest.” He wrung his fingers out. “I get that – you helped us, so thanks. But we don’t need your help anymore.”

“Dan!” Esther was astonished. “It’s not like we’re in charge of guarding the King – we’re delivering a letter. He  _ can  _ come with us.”

“A savage! Are you serious?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

Without sparing him a glance Phil said, “It’s fine. He’ll join us.”

Dan had opened his mouth to argue back – to chastise his friend and his obtuse decision-making – but it took once glance to know he couldn’t. He couldn’t look at Phil. He just… couldn’t.

Looking at Phil reminded him of the kiss, of their predicament, and of the vast emotions he’d been putting aside. It was torturous. 

**

Dan leaped at the opportunity to isolate himself from the group. 

Being surrounded by those three people made it increasingly hard for him to breathe. He really needed to get his head together. Especially since Phil kept looking at him weirdly.

Well,  _ everyone  _ looked at him weirdly when he volunteered to hunt. It was usually Esther who did the hunting. She happily lent him her equipment, offered him a lot more detail than he anticipated. She really loved her traps.

 

Picture this. He was crouched – a good distance away from camp, the sunset visible through the leaves, a snare laid in some thick foliage nearby.

The rabbit had been still for ages. Dan watched carefully, watched the gleam of it’s eyes. He wanted to lure it into the trap without scaring it away. It was taking far longer than he envisioned however. He was growing impatient.

A chill bled down his spine – a warning that it was steadily getting late. 

It culminated to Dan stepping out too early. He had intended to round up the animal, slowly, so it wouldn’t run in some unpredictable direction but a branch cracked under his shoe and it did just that. He cursed, slumping over in frustration.

“Bad luck, huh?” Phil said, out of nowhere. 

Dan flinched, confronted by precisely what he was trying to avoid. 

He had hoped hunting would relax him, would allow him to unwind some of his troubling thoughts. Evidently, hunting wasn’t so pleasant. 

Now, he stood before Phil, emotionally distressed and unprepared.

Just do  _ something  _ – his mind told him. He remembered his snare, laying forlorn in the grass, so he went to collect it. He focused all of his energy into completing the action. He managed to respond offhandedly, “Yeah.”

He couldn’t look at Phil. Everything that had happened so far succeeded in teasing out something greater in Dan that he was not ready to assess. The odd feelings confused him – the tightness in his chest, the breathlessness – it was all too much.

He wanted to be able to look at Phil. He yearned for things to go back to normal.

“What’d you expect?” Phil quipped. He said, “You hate hunting,” as an afterthought, not quite keeping the concern out of his voice.

Dan couldn’t think of much to say. “Yeah.” He veered away from Phil, tucking Esther’s equipment into a bag. 

He was aware he could over-think things. Hell, in the academy, he was known for it – deliberating, rationalising. It was what he did best. 

But gosh, lately, it felt like he was good for absolutely nothing since he couldn’t even think straight. Having Phil around only made it worse.

Dan could tell (from his peripheral vision) the discontent on Phil’s face. From Dan’s behaviour. It made his stomach sink further than it already had.

It shouldn’t be like this. They should be able to act like normal friends. What happened back there – the kiss – shouldn’t have to mean anything.

 

Dan realised it was easy for him to blow things out of proportion – that maybe the solution was simpler than he thought. After all, he wanted them to go back to normal, and it was normal before  _ it  _ happened.

It – the kissing (he could barely bring himself to think it) – caused their friendship to grow harder than it had ever been.

After a painstaking amount of time (longer than he should need to pack up hunting gear), Dan walked over to Phil.

“Listen, Dan. About what happened—”

“—It’s not a big deal,” Dan finished. He shrugged, which took a lot out of him to look natural. “I think – I think we should pretend it didn’t happen? Don-Don’t you agree?” 

He could hear his own words, his  _ voice _ . It didn’t feel like him saying it.

“I – yeah,” Phil said, his forehead crinkled in the way that Dan hated, when he knew he had more to say. It was for the best. “Yeah. I was about to say the same.”

This cauldron of feelings, ever bubbling inside of him, remained unrelenting. It startled him more than he could say. He managed to let out, “Cool.”

“Cool,” Phil responded. 

 

Phil turned, about to leave, before noting the unfinished state Dan was in.

Dan scratched the side of his neck. “I meant to ask you something as well.” 

He determined to fix things, return their friendship to the way it once was. So, he asked about the events from the night they were invaded. He described Phil’s actions, the way they were so fast he couldn’t keep up, astounded. He allowed himself to gush over Phil’s secret move, almost offended by not seeing it earlier.

“What  _ was  _ that?” he asked, “Do you have magic?”

Phil gave a timorous smile. “Not really? It’s more like a skill I developed,” he explained, and continued to explain the best he could. It was quite the abstract concept. “Why, are you interested?” He quickly coughed. “In doing it – I mean. I could teach you if you want.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah, definitely!” Phil eased into a grin, one that Dan was the most comfortable with in a while. “I can’t promise you’ll get it right off the bat though.”

“That’s fine.” Dan smiled at his feet. “That would be cool.”

**

They were going to sneak away from camp in the dead of the night, Phil had told him.

It worked best when they had consecutive shifts of night watch. That way, nobody would be awake to question them and where they were going. 

Phil had said it in passing. Truly, Dan wasn’t sure if he was kidding or not. So when he woke up to zero sign of Phil, he was overcome with disappointment.

After their little conversation about it, he really hoped it would fix their situation. 

The reality of it was that there was tension – a tangible, almost straining force – creeping up between them. He had hoped it would dissipate but it hadn’t. If anything, it was more obvious in the way they tried to shoot for normalcy. The same jokes didn’t strike the same chords anymore.

He missed his best friend. He missed joking around before this quest began.

Suddenly, Phil stepped out from behind a tree. He moved quietly and whispered, “I thought you weren’t going to wake up.”

Dan slipped out of his bedding to shove him, hopefully without waking the others. Esther was curled up in a ball. Yohri lightly snored by the dying embers of their fire.

They snuck past the others to wander into the forest. The grass was damp with early morning dew. Phil had a skip to his step – exuding signs of childlike excitement. He was excited to show Dan the secrets of his hidden technique. He might even be excited to just spend time with Dan. It was awfully reminiscent of old nights spent at their spot.

“Where are we going?” Dan asked, snapping branches along the way in order to mark their path back.

“To the river nearby.” He turned around, the blue of his eyes gleaming. “You’ll see why.”

It was dark. Dan could hear running water before they even reached the river. The clouds, silvered by the moon, reflected on the river’s surface. 

Phil made them crouch by the bank. He scooped some water in his hands and allowed it to filter through his fingers. He shut his eyes for a moment before he explained, “What this is – what I’m about to teach you is a gathering and concentration of your body energy. You’ve got to pinpoint it to an exact level. It’s, uh.” He grabbed for Dan’s upper arm, looking intently at him. “Hard to explain. I’ll just show you.” He let go.

What Phil did next was hard to explain.

He sat still for a moment, leaving Dan no choice but to openly stare. He gave out a carefully slow breath and then scooped a handful of water. Somehow – he cycled the water between his hands, like he was juggling it. The water remained cupped in his hands, impressively, never spilling out.

Dan couldn’t speak. He couldn’t imagine himself doing  _ that _ , either.

Phil’s voice gently cut through the quiet. “What happens is the space around you just… slows down… and that’s what makes you move around so fast – concentrating enough to slow down the action to half a second, and so on.” He peeled his eyes open, never moving them from Dan, while continuing to spin the water. “And how it works is you gather your own energy inside your body enough so that it makes an, uh, equilibrium, I guess, with the energy in nature surrounding. You’re manipulating the space and energy around you, if that makes sense.”

“Not one bit,” he deadpanned, then laughed. It was a lot to process. “But I’m interested.”

“Good. We’ll start with these basic techniques,” he said, smiling innocently, then splashed Dan in the face.

**

They walked. It seemed all they ever did was walk. They had to make it to the next village, after all.

Dan noticed Esther fiddling with her hair one morning. He told her, “You look fine.”

She looked surprised. It wasn’t usual for Dan to initiate conversation with her. She replaced her expression after a beat too long. “I’m – that’s not what I’m worried about.” She moved her hand down to her side. “It’s just different. I don’t know. I’m not used to having it short, gets in my face the whole time.”

He took a good look at her. Ever since the tunnels, her hair was cut to a shorter length. It went above her shoulder and fanned around her face. He wasn’t bothered to ask why, but thought it probably had something to do with when she and Yohri encountered those aggressors. “I sort of get it. You can’t tie it back now, can you?”

“No, it just comes out.” She hummed dejectedly.

He didn’t know what possessed him to he say, “I could cut it shorter for you.”

“Oh!” She gave him a double-take, not expecting such a kind offer to come from Dan. “Ah, no, thank you.”

 

“You sure you don’t want me to cut it back for you?” Dan coaxed when she returned to camp, hair affronting her eyes. She wasn’t able to brush it away from her eyes since her hands were full of a small boar.

Truthfully, Dan didn’t find her so irritable anymore. He had come to accept the state of his and Phil’s friendship. She wasn’t so threatening when he knew he was the most capable of screwing it up.

Phil had gone to gather water. Yohri was... who knows where (he often left to his own devices). It was just Dan at the camp, stoking the fire.

“Uhhm.” She was mostly occupied with gutting the animal she caught. Dan had to look away, uncomfortable with the sight. “I should let you, shouldn’t I?”

“Not if you don’t want to,” he said.

She considered him for a moment before finishing off her boar. “It’s very kind of you. Really, Dan.” She handed him the meat so he could cook it on the fire. She went between the trees to bury the entrails. “I don’t want to think of what my father might say if it gets any shorter than this.”

“Oh, what a pain,” he replied loud enough for her to hear.

“Heh, yep.” She came back and said, “Hi Phil.”

Dan darted up from his cooking to find Phil right over his shoulder, bumping into Phil’s chin in the process. It sent what felt like electricity down his arm, shocking him.

“What are you two talking about?” Phil asked, unfazed.

Esther smiled at him. “Oh, you know, just my hair.” She wiped her hands against her pants.

Phil looked at Dan with amusement.

Dan coughed and explained, “I was offering to cut it shorter, but apparently her father won’t like that.”

“Ohh…” Phil hummed. “I think it would look nice. Like, Dan’s length?”

Dan’s cooking wouldn’t be done for another few moments, but he found it particularly interesting to watch over in that moment. He couldn’t let Phil’s words affect him. Maybe his haircut would just look nicer on a girl. He wasn’t able to cut Esther’s pair so precisely anyway, not without proper scissors. The only tool he had was a blade. 

“But you two have basically the same haircut,” Esther mused, “There can’t be three of us.”

“Fair point.” Phil packed away the separate waterskins he previously left to go gather. “Dan’s got floppier hair than mine though. It curls, too!”

Dan shot him a look. “Yeah, well, I’d prefer yours cause it stays down.”

It was true. He had always admired Phil’s hair.

**

He wanted to touch Phil’s hair.

Maybe it was the time of night that lowered his inhibition. Whatever it was, it sparked a desire in him to run his hands through Phil’s hair. He couldn’t help but notice how well it framed his face, lit by the moon. It had grown since they left for their trip… and Phil normally got it cut before letting it get so long. There was something about it that looked – looked pretty.

It was a dangerous, dangerous thought. But he forgave himself for the state of exhaustion he was in.

They snuck away nearly every night to train. Phil worked him hard for what felt like little result. He didn’t mind though. He appreciated the time with just the two of them.

It occurred to him that he and Phil might be at a stage that demands change, that there was no return to the elementary friendship it once was. This quest had called for so much more than he would’ve thought. It daunted him. It made him wonder where they could go from here.

What this was and what it felt like – was like something inevitable.

He sat on the rocks by the water, watching Phil demonstrate something for the fourth time. 

There were remnants of him that missed their friendship before any of this happened. But, he had reached a stage where the usual onslaught of thoughts just exhausted him. He’d had enough. He wanted to appreciate the moment and appreciate Phil. 

So, he watched Phil. He indulged himself in the appearance of Phil, let it wash over him in waves. The river was constant, calming. 

Phil manipulated the water through his delicate hands – hands that Dan found it hard to look away from.

What was worse, when he did look away, was noticing Phil’s eyes on him while he concentrated.

Phil was probably in his own world. He probably didn’t even notice the heavy stare he was giving. Even so, it made Dan hot all over.

Was it a _ friendly thing _ to want to be near? No, he supposed not. At least, not in the way he felt about Phil.

He was tired of fighting these intrusive thoughts. Thoughts of Phil. His best friend. 

Phil implied he kissed a boy, without shame. Phil followed him into the landslide underground, and refused to leave Dan. And Dan – Dan still remembered the odd pleasure of lips pressing lightly on his.

It wasn’t impossible to reach over and kiss him. It was very plausible.

“Do you see what I mean now?” Phil interrupted his flow of introspection. “You think you can follow it?”

“I’ll give it another shot,” Dan said, and tore his eyes away.

He wouldn’t kid himself. He could easily fall with this drizzling honey slide, as sweet as it was, but there was no chance Phil would reciprocate. He couldn’t imagine them being anything more than friends. They’d been friends for years. Phil never seemed to want anything different.

**

“What even is this quest about?”

The gang spent a moment to process Dan’s question. Phil laughed.

“You don’t know?” Esther marvelled.

“Uhm.”

Phil elbowed him in the side. “He probably wasn’t paying attention. He does that all the time.”

Dan distanced himself, sending a kick indiscriminate of Phil’s direction. “Shut up. I pay enough attention.”

“Right, so basically—" Phil paused, looked at Yohri in consideration.

“Don’t mind me,” the man said. “I don’t care for your politics.”

Phil seemed content with that. “Basically we’re delivering a letter to the King of the next village. It’s about a meeting of alliance from what I can gather. We’re bypassing some other towns for privacy reasons. We’re not supposed to know, I think, but I’m sure if others knew, it could put people in danger.”

“Hm.” Dan looked at his feet. “That’s actually pretty underwhelming.”

“Maybe you should have been paying attention,” Phil teased. “What can you expect from your first quest, anyway? We’ve had our fair share of excitement. Better this than tending someone’s livestock.”

“You love animals,” Dan said, offhandedly.

“On second thought, yeah. True.” He spared a look at Dan. “I might prefer this still.”

**

Dan reflected as he and Phil walked to the river one night. The river stretched out from the mountains, providing a fresh spring of water to the village in the East. It seemed that their travel was soon coming to an end. They only had a few nights left to train privately before they made it to the next village.

He thought of these dangerous waters – the ones he felt as though he and Phil were approaching. He thought about his fear of sinking too deep.

It sounded a lot scarier than it actually was. While he still feared the unknown, he came to realise it was a lot nicer than he initially thought.

These thoughts, these feelings – he revelled in the pleasure of it, let it ripple throughout his body.

Phil sunk into the river, scrubbing his hair as he came up. The water reached his waist. Dan followed after him.

They were in their pants that night, and only their pants.

It was time to move onto their next stage of training, which involved submerging themselves entirely in nature instead of manipulating it solely with their hands. In order to activate the skill properly, he needed to train with a lot more body movement. Dan understood it well enough.

The thing was they weren’t usually so undressed, and Phil, like this, was much more of a distraction than he could’ve anticipated.

Dan watched as droplets ran down Phil’s torso. He found himself wanting to run his hands down it as well.

He looked away, chastising himself, and opted to focus on his own training. It did little to stop the thoughts circling Dan’s mind however. Phil was skillful in the way he moved his hands, and, honestly, Dan thought about Phil’s hands a little too much. He couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like to have those hands in other places.

 

He woke up later that night, begrudgingly, with the thought still on his mind. Specifically, Phil’s hands – long pale fingers that stood out in the night. He wasn’t surprised to find himself rock hard.

Careful not to expose himself, he slipped out of his bedding, keeping his back faced to whoever was on shift. He didn’t care to notice. He walked several trees away from camp until he was sure nobody would be able to see or hear when he would shamefully take care of his pressing problem.

His breath was visible in the air, faster than normal. He backed himself into a reasonably hidden tree and shoved a hand down his pants. He gasped out in relief. With whatever fragments of his dream fresh on his mind, Dan brought himself to a high.

Afterwards, he couldn’t dismiss the guilt he felt for doing such a vulgar thing. About his friend, and a man, nonetheless. He couldn’t deny it felt good though.

**

Phil praised Dan on his efforts with their secret training. He felt as though he wasn’t making much progress, but Phil assured him he was learning at an excelled rate.

It was their last night before they estimated to reach the next village. Essentially, their last night to muck around in an unknown forest with no responsibilities but to travel. They weren’t doing anything productive, really, what with the deep-set exhaustion starting to kick in from the culmination of their adventure so far. They had greater ideas.

Like swimming, and splashing one another, and seeing who could stay stood on the log in the middle of the gushing river for the longest. For a while, they tried to catch fish with their bare hands for the fun of it.

“Oh shit,” Phil said as he came up from the water, rubbing his forehead.

Dan, up to his chest in water, was frankly tired and sat by the shore waiting for Phil to be done. “You okay?”

Phil wobbled a little as he stood, smiling. “Yeah, just hit my head against a rock.”

“How about we get out now?” Dan suggested, and caught his arm before he managed to fall. “And sit for a bit, before we leave.”

Dan kept Phil talking to make sure he didn’t have a concussion, but really, he just liked listening to whatever wacky things Phil had to say. He liked having Phil’s undivided attention.

Phil was beautifully showered in moonlight. Dan felt a little bit drunk from laughter, buzzing with the energy that seemed to race between them. 

The hour of the night caught up with them soon enough. The atmosphere brought their conversation to a close. They spent a moment simply absorbing good vibes and losing themselves in thought.

“What are you thinking?” Phil asked, effectively cutting off Dan’s train of thought – and any thought, for that matter.

Phil’s eyes were on him and him only. It felt that way a lot more recently. After a beat too long he answered, “I—”  _ kinda wish you would kiss me again _ , but his breath had caught in his thought. He stared at Phil.

For some reason, Phil didn’t look away.

After everything Dan’s mind had put him through, he couldn’t tell if he was seeing things. He couldn’t decide whether this moment was made up out of his own desires. But, he could’ve sworn the atmosphere was charged around them. He wondered if Phil felt it too.

Phil, who was his best friend and partner in crime. Phil, who was sat right next to him. 

He fleetingly recalled another time in the past where he had a feeling they could’ve kissed, but that was miniscule compared to now. 

Right now, he could physically see it – could see the small distance he’d have to cross to push his lips against Phil’s and feel  _ right _ . He felt Phil’s breath fan across his face. He saw the freckles numbered on Phil’s cheeks. Right now, it felt tangible. He imagined shutting his eyes and —

 

A rabbit bounced out in front of them, effectively ruining the moment.

Phil stood up, looking at him no longer. “We should get back to camp if we’re going to get any sleep.”

“Yeah,” Dan croaked out.

**

Esther, Dan, and Phil entered the next village with high hopes.

They were worn out and in dire need of a hot bath, but they were hopeful. The village was busting with commotion. There was a lot more traffic than they were used to back at their home village, and admittedly, a lot more life. Everyone seemed preoccupied with their own duties to even notice the weary adventurers. 

They discussed the next stages of their quest briefly before they arrived – which involved reluctantly asking Yohri to step aside.

“I get it. You don’t want to be seen with me,” he had rolled his eyes and said. Thankfully, he didn’t put up much of a fight. He told them he would busy himself, make himself hidden. Esther gave him a hug. Phil, an awkward handshake. Dan went nowhere near the man, instead choosing to stare and nod solemnly.

The three of them were equally keen on several things – having a bath, meeting the King, sending a raven, and checking out the village’s festivities before travelling back home. 

They were quickly approached by a guard upon walking in, asking for them to state their business.

Esther explained, “We are from the village in the west. We are required to deliver a scroll to the King here, sir.”

“Show me this scroll,” the guard demanded.

Esther scavenged through her pack for a moment before pulling out a compartment with the scroll. She showed it to the guard, specifically the unbroken seal with the Western emblem on it.

“Very well.” The guard scrutinised everyone. “You best find an inn. There’s one I recommend to travellers, just follow the market road and take the second right. You can’t miss it.”

“Thank you,” said Phil, “We’ll check it out.”

It was relatively easy to find. The market stalls were bountiful, livelier than the ones back home – certainly something the gang wanted to explore, when they weren’t avid on washing all the grime off themselves at the next opportunity. 

The innkeepers were this charming older couple, delighted to see some new faces. They could tell the adventurers were eager to rest up so they moved along quickly, skimming over the irrelevant questions with some tasteful banter.

Bringing her chortle to a stop, the wife asked, “So, shall I make it two rooms?”

Dan went, “Huh?”

“Sorry, I said, should I make it two rooms?” She smiled blatantly between Phil and Esther. “One for the couple, yes?”

The two momentarily froze. Esther’s cheeks coloured as she stumbled a response. Meanwhile, Dan’s voice shrivelled up in his throat.

“Oh, hah, we’re not together,” Phil answered sheepishly. “Make it three rooms, please.”

The woman clasped her face in her hands. “Oh! My bad, I’m sorry, I will do so right away.”

They soon paid the fee and made their way to their rooms. They had their own building with three conjoined rooms and one bathroom. Phil took his bath first while the rest of them unpacked. 

Dan ran his hand over the sheets of his bed. They were nice and soft, but did not elevate the thoughts that troubled him. Somehow, he still felt bothered by the innkeeper and the way she mistook Phil and Esther for a couple. 

A while back, the idea of them as a couple wouldn’t have been so daunting. In fact, it kind of seemed like the way things would go. But now, he realised he didn’t want that at all.

Steam wafted through the air when Phil had finished with the bathroom. He dressed quickly and told the others to take their turns while he took the opportunity to scope out the village.

Later, when Phil returned and everyone was comfortably clean, they went to the common eating area. The atmosphere was energetic with other tenants and moderate chatter. They enjoyed their first well-rounded meal in a while, filled their bellies until they decided they couldn’t stay awake for much longer. Needless to say, they looked forward to sleeping the whole way through the night, an undisturbed rest.

When they were walking back to their residence, Phil quickly pulled Dan aside and into the closest room.

Dan flushed with the intensity of Phil’s stare. It was quite compact, they were inside what felt like a storage closet. His heart raced in anticipation of what might happen.

Dan felt a little dizzy at the huskiness of Phil’s voice, low, as he said to him, “There’s something strange about this place.”

Dan blinked, rationale slowly piecing together. He had completely misread the situation.

“It’s like – nothing too obvious. I just got some weird premonitions when I went out earlier to check out the town.” Phil gulped, and let go of Dan’s shoulders (who didn’t even realise they were being held to begin with). “Keep an eye out.”

Dan cleared his throat in an attempt to cover up his embarrassment. “Why?”

Before Phil could answer, the door to the storage closet opened. They had no time to react, could only look shocked at the culprit. It was Esther, who asked, “What are you guys doing in here?”

Dan came up with some half-baked lie about pillows after Phil was basically rendered speechless. 

Esther didn’t seem too fazed about it, despite the incriminating position she found them in. She merely laughed, showed them were the pillows were actually kept, and that was it. Dan didn’t know why it bothered him so much.

That night, he curled up in bed. The bed was the most comfortable thing he had laid on in his entire life. And yet, he couldn’t fall asleep. 

His mind was stuck on Phil and Esther. 

Would they really become a couple? And where would that leave Dan? Why was he so uncomfortable with it?

He knew why. Unwittingly, he had known it for awhile. He didn’t want to admit it but there was no helping the fact that he had confusing and unbecoming feelings about Phil. God, he wanted to kiss Phil. 

He couldn’t go on like this. He thought about it – what it meant, and in what capacity.

The truth was, he wanted Phil. He wanted to be close, to touch and to simply  _ bask  _ in the presence of him. The thought of Phil with anybody else, in that  _ way,  _ made him sick to his stomach. He wanted Phil to want him back. He wanted to do things with Phil for the rest of their lives.

He could only wish Phil would understand what it meant to want him so badly. 

Dan couldn’t sleep, laid restless for far longer than he would’ve liked. As always, Dan was a man of action, a man of thought, and he knew that in order for anything to happen, he needed to take initiative and  _ do something _ .

**

The next morning, Dan left early to go into town.

They weren’t planning on visiting the King until later that day. It gave him enough time to find something for Phil. So, he searched the variety of market vendors until he was confident he found something perfect.

He went about leaving, caught up in a particularly heavy crowd of people, when he made eye contact with someone he swore he recognised from back home.

They didn’t look away. Their features were mostly hidden behind a dark cloak, but he was certain it was someone he knew. They gestured something he couldn’t quite pick up on. He blinked, and then they were gone.

He ran back to the inn. Something unusual was definitely going on. 

The inn was uncharacteristically deserted – the door to their building open, surprisingly full of people. Guards. He recognised this as a dangerous situation and almost turned around before he saw Phil and Esther being dragged out through the doors. They watched him in dismay.

Worst of all, Yohri stood among the guards. 

Dan nearly walked up and punched him, if it weren’t for everyone pointing spears in his direction. “What the fuck?”

“Is he one of them?” A guard asked.

Yohri looked him straight in the eyes. “Yes.”

A number of guards took Dan by the arms. He kicked his legs into the air, and roared, “What is going on?”

“You stand accused of regicide. We have reasons to believe your kingdom is planning to assassinate our King, and that you three have major involvement in this.”

The three looked among themselves, confused by the turn of events, lost for what to say.

“We’re not. I swear I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Phil pleaded. “All we were supposed to do was deliver this letter.”

“A letter?” asked a guard. “Why could you not have sent it by raven?”

“We were told it was important, a summons for a meeting, and it was meant to be kept a secret,” Esther said. “We don’t know anything further about it.”

Yohri looked at them accusingly. “A summons for a meeting, huh? You travelled the Dark Forest, risked your lives, for a simple meeting? It doesn’t add up.”

“I don’t know?” Dan whined, voice rising in distress, “It’s our first quest. We were just doing as we were told.”

A guard brought his spear to Dan’s neck. “Stay quiet. It’s suspicious of you to suddenly appear out of the forest and expect to appear before the King. Unless, you had foul intentions.”

“We don’t!” Phil was visibly sweating under the pressure. “I thought – I thought our kingdoms were peaceful.”

“Fools. We have not been at peace for a long time,” the guard snapped, surprising them all. “If you continue to fail to cooperate, we will try some different tactics in order to make you to speak.”

Dan felt pins prickle under his skin. “Why?” He yelled at Yohri, “Why would you betray us?”

Yohri shrugged, cold in the eyes as ever. “You were going to start a war.”

“No!” Phil cried. “We couldn’t – we wouldn’t. We had no idea. All we were asked to do was deliver this message. Please, I’ve never heard anything about this.”

A guard punched Phil in the stomach, causing Dan to cry out. He spat, “This guys’ innocent act is pissing me off, shall we start with him?”

Dan couldn’t watch, mostly because his eyes were blocked with tears and his hands were restrained. They lashed Phil on the back. It hurt Dan to see, to hear. He could tell Phil tried to keep it in, but they clearly dealt a lot of pain with each and every hit. The back of his tunic was ripped to shreds.

What Dan couldn’t understand was why Phil didn’t use his secret technique to get out of their grasp and  _ stop  _ them.

“Stop,” Esther begged, “He doesn’t know anything!”

The guard dealing the blows paid her no attention. Crack, whoosh.

“Stop!” She sobbed, “He can’t tell you anything! They don’t know anything! I do!”

Crack.

“Please, they’re innocent! I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything if you just, please, don’t hurt them.”

It felt like everything had stopped.

Tears streamed down Dan’s face. He couldn’t decide on what to feel – hurt, betrayed, confused,  _ scared _ . This was so much more,  _ everything more _ , than he had expected.

 

It was true. According to what Esther had to say, their King  _ was _ planning on assassinating the leader in the East. They had been secretly having strained relations with neighbouring villages for a while. The village had no idea.

It would explain why they had little business back home compared to here. The Eastern kingdom was packed with tourists as a result of their healthy neighbouring relations.

The King Dan had known his entire life was corrupt, was evil. He planned to do devious things with his power.

 

The guards discussed amongst themselves, deciding the fate of those three adventurers. “We have no choice but to kill them.”

Dan’s eyes poured over with tears – the thought of failing to complete his quest, failing to find his purpose in life, and what’s more, never being able to tell Phil how he felt - it was all too much.

“Wait,” Yohri interrupted, surprising everyone. “They might prove to be useful. If they devote themselves to our cause, they may be able to pay for their crimes.”

Esther whispered, “Yohri…”

“They’re just kids. We’ll keep a close eye on them. After all, we’ll need to deal with the families and children in the West.” Yohri shut his eyes, stroking his chin. “If they show any sign of betrayal whatsoever,  _ then _ we’ll kill them. It’s best to act mercifully.” He looked at the boys, and sighed. “I have a feeling they will obey.”

**

“Dan, what is this?”

They were about to leave. 

The scroll they were originally going to deliver was a summons. Esther told them everything she knew. They would invade the Eastern King’s cart as he travelled to the meeting location.

They deliberated over a counter attack – that way they could rightfully subjugate the corrupted kingdom and bring on a new reign of leadership.

It would take place on Trader’s Path. Troops would be assigned to different moving wagons, disguised as advisors. Dan, Phil, and Esther would travel home, and prove their innocence, by joining this affair.

“What is what?” 

Dan turned around and saw Phil’s present glittering in Esther’s hands. He felt his blood run cold.

Phil wasn’t there thankfully. He had left with the first fleet, assigned to the most important cart. The rest of them would travel in other carts. They still weren’t fully trusted and were separated for the final battle. The guards kept a close eye on them to ensure no funny business. 

Dan checked nobody was watching before he snatched it out of her hands. 

She stepped back. Hurt flashed across her face. “Sorry. I didn’t know if it was yours or not.”

“It is,” he said sharply. How long had she had it? The pendant felt heavy in his hands. He tucked it into his backpack. “Where’d you find it?”

“Under your pillow. I double checked to make sure we didn’t leave anything behind.” She narrowed her eyes. “It’s not something you usually bring on a quest.”

“I bought it at the markets here,” he carefully answered.

She dug a scarf out of her bag and tied it around her hair. They were asked to look inconspicuous, look like advisors instead of soldiers. Dan himself wore brightly coloured robes atop his fighting gear. 

She applied some colour to her lips. “You know, it kind of looks like Phil’s eyes.”

Dan froze, speechless. How could he respond? She was a long time family friend of Phil’s. She was beautiful. She was most likely going to get married to Phil. 

And here he was, having shameful feelings about another man. He was too busy fantasizing about Phil to notice they were a part of this massive ploy. He clammed up with embarrassment.

She gasped. “It’s for Phil, isn’t it?”

He hated this kind of confrontation. He felt his face burn up, his stomach drop all the way to his feet. His throat started closing up as he stammered, “So what if it is?”

She opened her mouth to respond but paused. Her eyes filled with worry. “What’s the matter?”

He blinked away the tears, hot and guilty. “It’s wrong, and – and, you two are—”

“We’re what, Dan?”

“You’re meant to marry him,” he said, gripping the hairs on his head, “And I’m a guy, oh god – you’re gonna hate me. Everyone will hate me.”

“No, Dan.” She took him by the shoulders. “Listen to me. What makes you think I’m gonna marry Phil?”

He tried to even out his breathing. “You’re not?”

She shook her head. “And I don’t hate you. I think you should give it to him.”

“What?” He couldn’t believe his own ears. “I can’t. No, I can't. Especially with what’s going on.” He groaned. “I’ve been so stupid, this whole time worrying about Phil. I don’t deserve to be a soldier.”

“Don’t say that. You couldn’t have known it’d turn out like this.” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry for being involved and not telling you guys. I-I didn’t know.” She sighed. “We shouldn’t have to deal with our kingdom’s mistakes.”

He nodded, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “We have no choice.”

“Mmm.” She stood back and grabbed her backpack. “But after it’s over, Dan, you should give it to him.”

He could see himself in the mirror grimacing, face blotched and red. He didn’t look ready to fight. “I-I don’t know.”

“You can do it.” She smiled at him. “You’re the most important person in Phil’s life.”

He gulped down the lump in his throat. A guard came by to order him to leave before he could respond.

**

They moved in different carts, different disguises. It took a half day of travel to reach the location of the scheduled ambush. Before he knew it, the sounds of swords clashing and heavy grunts reached his ears.

He hopped out of his cart, unsheathing his sword. He looked around to find the middle cart he knew Phil would be in and hurried in that direction. 

The only direction the three adventurers were given for this counter attack was to fight off any perpetrators. They would win by pure numbers, having tripled their forces in hopes to successfully capture and persecute anybody involved with the Western leader’s corrupt plans. They had trained fighters that would stave off the expected assassin. 

Dan fought off several enemies. He had the advantage of other people helping him. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Phil rush back towards the cart. He followed his line of sight to identify who would be the assassin, sneaking into the King’s cart. 

Dan cursed under his breath. Phil wouldn’t be stupid enough to chase after them, would he? He ducked out of the fight and ran towards that cart.

Internally, Dan had a personal goal for this battle. He wanted to watch after Phil. He knew Phil wouldn’t need looking after, but he wanted to be careful. They still didn’t know who to trust. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he ever let anything happen to Phil. He just had a feeling.

And when he made it into the cart, he knew they had a situation.

They were told the assassin was not to be underestimated. Everyone – Dan, Phil, and the guards who were supposed to protect the man in the King’s chair – stood around the room and watched as the assassin had the King by the throat. 

All of a sudden, Phil leaped out, moving once again faster than the speed of one’s eyes. 

Dan filled with dread. The East would never risk their King’s life like this. It wasn’t the actual King sitting in that chair, blade pressed to his neck. It was an impersonator. They knew this. Why would Phil run to save this person? 

Dan knew the answer. He knew Phil was the most compassionate man he had ever met. Noble or not, people were people. He would save every life if he could.

Phil disarmed the assassin before anyone could react. Once the guards realised what happened, they raced in to grab the assassin. All Dan could see was Phil falling to the ground. 

He ran to his side. Phil’s hand was sliced where he held the assassin’s blade. Tears welled up in Dan’s eyes. It must have been poisoned. Phil was poisoned. He couldn’t protect Phil.

“It’s okay,” Esther said. How long had he been by Phil’s side? It must have been enough for Esther to come over. “A healer is coming. He’ll be okay. They’ll take care of him.”

**

Dan watched over Phil in a hut that was made for them in one of the villages along Trader’s Path. The troops had left immediately to take over the Western Kingdom. He decided he couldn’t leave Phil behind like this.

The sun had already set when Phil stirred his head for the first time. “Dan?”

Dan had been looking at Phil’s sleeping face for the last few days, he hadn’t realised how much he missed Phil moving and speaking. He was too shocked to react.

Phil opened his eyes. “What happened?”

They were alone in the quiet of the makeshift recovery hut. It was different when Phil was unconscious, but now that he was awake, Dan was aware of how intimate this felt. He brought a cup of water to Phil’s lips.

“You were poisoned,” he explained, “They put you in a sleep-induced state so it could wear off. You’re okay now.”

He wouldn’t tell Phil how upset he was, how distressed he felt until the healer finally told him they had a cure for the strain of poison found on the assassin’s blade. 

“Oh.” Phil slowly looked around. Dan wondered if he felt uncomfortable with the intimate space between them. “Where is everyone?”

“They’ve left already.” Dan shrugged. “I’ve been waiting three days for you to wake up.”

“What?” 

“What?” Dan repeated, a hesitant smile on his face.

Phil sat up on his elbows to look Dan in the eyes. “You waited for me?”

“Well, yeah.”

Phil looking at him so closely made him nervous, made him hope he wouldn’t have to tell Phil exactly  _ why _ .

“Three days…” Phil relaxed back onto the bed. “What’d you even do the whole time?”

“I dunno.” He bit his lip. “I kinda just sat here.”

Phil’s eyes flickered over Dan’s face. “Dan.” His voice dropped an octave. “You waited three days for me?”

He gulped, feeling hot in the face for some reason. “Yeah.”

They looked each other in the eyes. There wasn’t much to say. Well, there was a lot to talk about, but to bring it up almost felt inappropriate. He didn’t want to admit it earlier, but there was an undeniable tension in the air. It was difficult to explain. 

And that was when Phil reached up and captured Dan’s mouth with his own.

Dan inhaled through his nose, surprised. He hadn’t expected Phil to ever do something like this. He had wanted to kiss Phil for so long. He relaxed into it. 

This – this was a proper kiss. He felt Phil’s lips glide over his own, like velvet, like he had said.

He melted into Phil’s administrations. Phil dragged Dan down onto the bed with him, cradling his head. Dan felt every bit of tension leave his body. He squirmed his way into a comfortable position, pressed up all against Phil.

Phil licked Dan’s bottom lip in a way that left him trembling. His hands moved to the small of Dan’s back, gripping tight, like he was afraid he’d leave. It made Dan whine a little. 

**[warning: smut]**

Phil’s hips bucked up. Dan pulled back with a loud smack of their lips.

Dan stared into his eyes, gasping, tingles chasing throughout his body. Phil’s pupils were wide, reducing the blue of his eyes to a thin ring. Dan tentatively pushed his hips into Phil’s.

Phil’s lips parted, his hands grasping tighter, closer.

“Phil,” he said. Phil pulled back, looking apologetic. Dan quickly planted a kiss on his lips, wiping the look off his face, and sat back up. 

Phil watched him like he was the loveliest person he’d ever seen. Dan’s heart throbbed. 

He ran his hands over Phil’s tunic, pulling back the ties and revealing his chest. He trailed his fingers along the skin, his ribs, like he wanted to do so badly that one night in the river. 

He leaned down and kissed his chest, feeling the warmth of Phil’s skin against his lips. He went lower and lower, could hear Phil panting from all the way down there. He looked up, looked Phil in the eyes. Phil had his gaze on him steadily. 

He gently kissed the top of his pants before asking for permission.

Phil quickly grabbed his pants, pulled them down. His cock popped out and strained against his stomach.

Dan gripped it in his hand, felt the weight of it, heavier than his own. He tugged it like he knew felt good. He watched Phil to make sure he was doing well. Phil looked like he was entranced, eyes glazed over, brows slightly furrowed. Then Dan brought his tongue to the head, experimented with what he thought might feel good.

He sunk down on Phil’s cock with his mouth, swirled his tongue around. It had a different taste to anything he’d ever tried, had a musky taste. He slicked Phil up with his own saliva before bobbing up and down, hollowing his cheeks.

“Dan. Dan. Dan,” Phil mumbled out. 

Dan used his hand to grip the part of Phil’s dick that his mouth couldn’t reach. He sucked firmly, trying to go as deep as he could without choking. He used his spare hand to rub circles into the skin of Phil’s pelvic bone.

“Dan. I’m going to—”

Dan stroked as fast as he could, focused on the head with his mouth. Phil came to his high. He slurped as much as he could. He was a bit thrown by the bitter taste but quickly put it aside, licking up the juices on his hand.

Phil pulled his trousers up and pulled Dan into him. He held him tight. His breath was on Dan’s neck. “Did you need me to?”

Dan shook his head. He just wanted to be held by Phil. 

He was content with this, fell asleep like this.

**[end smut]**

**

He woke up the next morning and blanched when he realised Phil was gone. 

All the good feelings he’d had from the previous night drained out of his body. This was his fault. He’d ruined his chance with the person he cared about most. 

He asked questions around the camp. Apparently Phil had taken the early trip home, left him behind. It hurt more than he cared to admit.

**

In the space of a week, a lot had happened. 

Yohri’s uncle was crowned King. Apparently they used to be a highly politically regarded family – that was before they got exiled for posing too much of a threat to the previously corrupt leaders. 

Yohri’s leadership skills really pulled through in strategizing the counterattack. He earned himself a well-placed advisor position, working alongside with his uncle. He worked towards rebuilding the kingdom’s reputation.

And Dan still hadn’t talked to Phil. It was the longest they had gone without speaking. 

It took awhile for him to build up the courage to do something. He was afraid – to learn the truth why Phil ran away, of being rejected.

He’d be damned if all their years of friendship went down the drain because he was too scared to put his feelings on the line. So, he went to the only place he knew Phil would definitely be at.

The clouds were nice and bright. The wind was strong, blowing his hair into his face. He stalked up to the outcrop of rock he knew like the back of his hand. 

Phil was sat there. He didn’t look surprised to see him.

Dan frowned. After a moment, realising Phil wouldn’t start the conversation himself, he chucked something at Phil.

“Ow,” he said, “What was that for?”

Dan’s throat bobbed. “I got it for you.”

Phil picked it up and looked it over. It was a pendant. His eyes widened a little. “Why?”

“Back in the other village,” Dan said in lieu of answering, “I got this for you.”

“Oh.” Phil studied it in his hand. “It’s – It’s beautiful.”

“I thought it’d be perfect.” Dan looked at his feet. “For you.”

Phil shot his head up, watching Dan intensely, with feeling. “Dan, I—”

“This is probably incredibly foolish of me because you probably realised what we did was a mistake and that’s probably why you left and it hurt a lot, but I’ll never forgive myself if I lose whatever we had and didn’t at least try so—”

Phil was stunned, unable to speak.

“—What happened, back in that tent, was probably the happiest moment of my life. I don’t know if – yeah. Anyway. It was the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t know how to say this but I’m just going to say that I, uh, wanted to do that for a long time.”

Dan took a deep breath.

“Granted, for a long time I didn’t know what it meant, but at some point, I realised you’re the only person I really care about. When I think about you growing up and leaving me to marry some girl, I feel sick. I don’t want that. I want – I want you to be with me. It’s… impossible, I know, but that’s how I truly feel. I thought, I don’t know, you might feel the same, but then you left and – why did you leave? I don’t understand. I’m just really confused and I miss you and—”

“Dan,” Phil interrupted, looking up at Dan with wet eyes. “You’re rambling again…”

“I-I guess I am.” 

Phil gave him a melancholy smile. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I left you, that I ran away. Dan, I miss you more than you can imagine. I—” He looked Dan in the eyes. “—I want you more than you can imagine.”

Dan felt like his heart had erupted, like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. “Really?”

He huffed out a laugh. “Yeah.”

“Then why did you—”

“I don’t know, Dan.” Phil bit his lip. “I was afraid, I guess. I told you about my first kiss. Then when we were in the tunnels, afterwards you didn’t – you wanted to pretend it never happened.”

“Oh – oh yeah.” He felt a pang of sadness. “You thought I… You thought I’d pretend we never - in the hut?”

“I shouldn’t have left you. I shouldn’t have, but, in that moment, I was so afraid it would all fall apart and I’d be the only one left broken in the process.”

Dan moved towards Phil, sat next to him. He craved nothing more than to touch him, to hold his hand, anything. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, Phil, but, I have no intention of breaking your heart.”

“Okay,” Phil said. He looked at Dan with everything. “Same here. I – I want you. I want to be with you too.”

Tears pooled in Dan’s eyes. He carefully took the multicoloured pendant from Phil’s hold to string it around his neck. Phil’s throat fluttered as he clasped the lock. It was perfect. “You do?”

Phil smiled. “Of course.” He looked around Dan’s face nervously before asking, “Can I kiss you?”

Dan felt a pull in his heart – a desire to protect Phil, to keep this smile on his face. Breathless, he said, “Yeah.”

So, they kissed, and kissed again, and again – until their hearts were content.

**

They worked out a system to see each other. They spent time together, went on outings together. It was like the old days (with the addition of things that lovers do). 

The change in their relationship opened up a new set of fears and thrills. They talked more about their feelings. They depended on each other. Dan felt like he connected with Phil in a way he’d never known he could. 

Phil never imagined things going so well for them. He admitted to Dan he loved him. He recalled a time, years ago, when he had first known. Dan’s heart bloomed.

They were going on another quest soon. Hopefully one that wouldn’t be so long and demanding.

Their kingdom, under the reign of Yohri’s family, strived to fix relations with other villages after the years of neglect. Dan and Phil were asked to protect a farm in the next village from bandits.

They had tonight to pack. They opened the door to Phil’s house. 

It looked like Esther’s family was there. A pot of tea was placed in the center of the dining table. Little sandwiches were stacked on plates. She smiled at the boys before standing to hug them.

“Philip dear!” his mum called, “I need you for a moment!”

He sent an apologetic smile to Esther and Dan before leaving to help his mum. It left Esther to stand alone with Dan.

“Things are going well for you, I can tell.” 

They watched the commotion of the room. The easygoing smile on Phil’s face knocked all the air out of Dan. He could watch Phil as much as he wanted to now. He felt his cheeks hurt from smiling.

“Yeah.”

She nudged Dan in the shoulder, diverting his attention away. She had a serious look on her face. “I’m glad for you both.” She looked back to Phil. “I was a bit worried when he first got home from that quest. He was very distant.”

Dan winced. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” she said. “You wouldn’t imagine Phil to shut people out. You’d think he’s a very social person. But he’s surprisingly incredibly private. He doesn’t let on what he’s feeling most of the time.” She paused. “But with you I think he can be himself.”

Dan blushed. He could be the most himself around Phil too.

She smiled. “I’m glad you sorted yourselves out, I want you to be happy.”

“I’ll do my best to make him happy.”

“Not just him, Dan.” Her smile softened. “I wish you the best as well.”

That surprised him. He didn’t realise it until now, but he considered Esther his friend. “Thank you, I hope – I hope things go well for you too.”

“Thanks!” She lowered her voice. “I’m actually working on something for the King.”

“What!” He dropped his jaw. “No way! That’s incredible.”

“Yeah, I hope nothing goes wrong,” she said, a little uneasy.

“I’m sure it will go fine, I believe in you—” Phil turned around and threw them a smile. “—Phil does too.”

She looked back and forth between the two boys. “You guys can count on me, you know that right? I’ll support whatever you have.”

He felt overwhelmed with happiness. Phil returned before he could thank her.

“Sorry about that,” Phil said. “It’s good to see you, Essie.”

“Good to see you too.”

Phil looked to Dan. “It’s getting late. We should get packing.”

“Okay,” Dan said. He gave Esther a hug. “It was nice talking to you.”

“Same here.” She hugged Phil next. “I won’t see you boys for a while, eh? I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thanks!” Phil beamed. “I’m looking forward to it!”

When they were finally alone, Dan took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

He still couldn’t get over the fact that he could do this, that Phil was his. 

They were going to travel together. He was going to go on countless adventures with his best friend, his love. He couldn’t wait.


End file.
